I wasn’t even going to write this for today - we’ve been so busy clearing out of our warehouse the last couple weeks it’s taken up all of our time. What I wanted to do was get my one decent nights rest this week, but, Tommy had other plans.

3:40am rolls around and little man T (my just turned 1 year old) decides to start chuckin’ water bottles at everyone's head.

After about 40 minutes of flying water bottles he fell back asleep. I, of course, did not. So I get out of bed, grab my clothes, slowly and gently turn the door handle to not wake the water bottle monster back up, toss on some flip flops, grab my keys, and head out.

I head down the hall. Call the elevator. Get in. Not one button on the elevator works. Literally none. Not one fuckin button. So of course I just start pressing buttons without looking.

Guess I accidentally called emergency. Whoops.

As I hear the operator come online and start asking what’s going on I run away down the hall and start heading down a wonderful 4 flights of stairs to get to my car. Jump in and Drake - One Dance comes on and obviously I have to do what any sane human would do in this situation - I deleted it from my phone and drove to the store in silence.

Now I’m back in my office with a Redbull and a hydration drink which now seems completely counterproductive but it is what it is.

Anyways we’re off track. You opened this email for a reason. Maybe you feel something in your life is out of place, something could be different, or you just wanna see what kinda bullshit I spun up here.

First I’d like to eliminate getting your hopes up - no I do not have a cure for clinically diagnosed depression but to be honest I’ve never experienced or seen clinically diagnosed depression. Even the people around me that have been “clinically diagnosed” seem to stem from things that doctors don’t care to explore. They just toss their pharmaceutical Band-Aid on and you’re off on your way.

Before I jump in I want to express I’m not saying clinically diagnosed depression doesn’t exist - I’m just saying I’ve never personally experienced it or been around it.

The cure for depression

As I sat there this morning at 3:40am getting smacked by waterbottles and watching T headbutt Alisha in the chest laughing his ass off I couldn’t help but think about this topic. So much so that I felt compelled to get up and write.

Since Tommy was born my life has changed completely and not just because having him changed my external environment - but because it completely changed my internal environment as well. I spend significantly more time reflecting on my life and the man I want to be - and I spend my waking hours chasing that ideal version of myself.

Ever since my internal environment changed I haven’t had an ounce of sadness inside of me when previously, well, I would - and at random times. Alisha would always know and always ask what's up - but I never knew how to answer because I never took the time to reflect and think about my feelings (because feelings are for chicks etc [I’m kidding (kinda)])